


Statistical Anomaly

by inkand_paper (Fabuest)



Category: Transformers Generation One
Genre: Crack, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-27
Updated: 2010-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-04 19:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/397602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fabuest/pseuds/inkand_paper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prowl has a bad week. Some things just defy logic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Statistical Anomaly

**Author's Note:**

> Written for tf_rare_pairing's November 2010 Challenge on Livejournal. The prompt was Optimus Prime/Grimlock, unnecessary violence.

Prowl exits his recharge chamber at 0502 hours, local time. He has a datapad in his left servo, a stylus in his right, and jots down notes in the margins of Red Alert's latest security report as he walks. The probability that the Decepticons are using the Ark's ventilation systems and specially programmed glitch mice to gather Autobot intelligence is, he calculates, 1.27 percent. They can install some cameras if it will make the security chief feel more at ease - which, statistically speaking, it will, but only for a maximum of 17 hours before Red Alert discovers yet another hole in security; but the mech's paranoia makes him perfect for his job, and Prowl is content to follow most of his suggestions - on average, 96.3 percent of Red Alert's requested changes are approved and implemented.  
  
Prowl has taken 3.506 steps in the time it takes to approve Red Alert's first security request and scroll down to his second. It is then that his external sensors register a statistical anomaly, and he stops short. The probability of seeing Soundwave's cassette, Ravage, slumped at the door of Optimus Prime's recharge chamber is 0.09 percent. It is a high enough percentage that his battle computer does not stall; he has approved changes by Red Alert for less.  
  
Still, it is enough to prompt him to ping Optimus Prime, Jazz, Ratchet, and Red Alert with a short written report and an attached image file. He continues on his way to his office, rejecting Red Alert's second proposal as he goes. The Ark is heavily insulated for interstellar travel; it is technologically impossible for Decepticons to hack into human satellites and use infrared imaging technology to detect the positions of individual Autobots within the ship.  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
Two solar cycles later, Prowl exits his recharge chamber at 0501 hours, local time. He has a datapad in his left servo, a stylus in his right, and jots down notes in the margins of Ratchet's latest medical report as he walks. It was necessary to make use of three spare optical sensors in the aftermath of the previous solar cycle's battle with the Decepticons. Prowl will have to order an inventory report from Ironhide. There is an 82.9 percent chance that he will need to write up a request for additional spare parts to be shipped in from Cybertron.  
  
Prowl has taken 3.502 steps in the time it takes for his external sensors to register a statistical anomaly. The probability of seeing Soundwave's cassette, Rumble, slumped at the door of Optimus Prime's recharge chamber, so soon after a very similar statistical anomaly, is too small to be calculated. Prowl's battle computer stalls, and he collapses to the floor of the Ark with a clatter that his audial sensors do not register.  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
Another two solar cycles, and Prowl exits his recharge chamber at 0501 hours, local time. He has a datapad in his left servo, a stylus in his right, and jots down notes in the margins of Mirage's latest intelligence report as he walks. The integrity of the Nemesis' hull has been compromised in numerous locations due to the stress of prolonged immersion in Earth's corrosive and high-pressure ocean. The Constructicons and most of the lower ranking Decepticons are being overworked in an attempt to keep up with repairs. He will have to send out a warning to the various human energy companies to be alert for Decepticon activity; under these conditions, the Decepticons are 67 percent likely to attempt to restock their energon stores.  
  
Prowl has taken 3.513 steps in the time it takes to calculate this. He does not stop as he passes Soundwave's cassette, Laserbeak, slumped at the door of Optimus Prime's recharge chamber. Statistically, this is no longer an anomaly; it is a trend. He pings Optimus Prime, Jazz, Ratchet, and Red Alert with a short written report and an attached image file, and continues on his way to his office, flicking through his datapad to the solar cycle's duty schedule. The twins are both off duty; there is a 72.8 percent chance that they will implement a prank.  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
"Optimus," Ratchet snapped as the Autobot leader's recharge chamber doorway slid open, "this has to stop."  
  
"I agree, Ratchet," Optimus said, looking sadly at the cassette crumpled at his pedes, a small pool of energon spreading out around it from lines severed through slashes in the armour. "However, I am unsure how to put an end to it."  
  
"You know who's doing it?" Ratchet asked.  
  
Optimus sighed. "I... do. It's Grimlock."  
  
"Oh." Ratchet frowned. "And do you know why?"  
  
"I confess I do not. He seems to be very proud of his accomplishments in leaving them here for me."  
  
"For you, yes. Optimus, Wheeljack wrote the Dinobots' programming to resemble the behaviour of actual dinosaurs. Their courtship protocols prompt them to bring gifts to their chosen mate which prove their strength and dedication."  
  
Optimus' optics widened with Ratchet's words. "So Grimlock is...?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But I..."  
  
"I would suggest you accept his advances, Optimus. He is very stubborn and," Ratchet paused to pick up Laserbeak's still frame; "unnecessarily violent. I don't want to find another of Soundwave's cassettes here, needing to be cleaned up and sent back home."  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
Two solar cycles later, when Prowl exits his recharge chamber at 0501 hours, he has a datapad in his left servo, a stylus in his right, and jots down notes in the margins of Sunstreaker's latest sanitation report as he walks. The science wing of the Ark has been dusted and polished, albeit grudgingly. The twins should know by now that their pranks result in cleaning duty; the statistical probability is 100 percent. The officer's corridor is due to be cleaned next.  
  
The cassette trend appears to have ended, as trends often do. Prowl does not register another statistical anomaly until the end of his shift when he goes to refuel and sees Optimus Prime sitting in Grimlock's lap at a table in the corner of the rec room. The probability of this event is too small to be calculated before Prowl's battle computer stalls.


End file.
